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Sunday, February 27, 2011


and I wonder
when I sing along with you
if everything could ever feel this real forever
if anything could ever be this good again
the only thing I'll ever ask of you've got to promise not to stop when I say when
she sang

and I wonder
when I sing along with you
if everything could ever feel this real forever
if anything could ever be this good again
the only thing I'll ever ask of you
you've got to promise not to stop when I say when

we hear you, Wisconsin!

Garage Sale Happening Now!  On Sale: Scott Walker!  50% Off!  Hurry While Offers Last!

Friday, February 25, 2011

can you see my pic?

Can you see my hand over there? Do you know what it means? Do you know why I thought it was important to have it there? Do you know what ink stains mean to me? No? Surprise, surprise. I have no time for people who second-guess me (just like they have no time for me).

going clubbing...

So I'm going clubbing in Madison with people I don't really know. Well, maybe I know some....and think I know others....I am so angry. So enraged and so disappointed that I need to cheer myself up somehow tonight.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

I am an only child

"Because only children do not have siblings with whom to interact, they learn to be children on their own. Parents and play groups can help, but ultimately children become conditioned to depend on themselves. Says one adult only child, "Possibly the best part was developing the ability to enjoy being alone and to entertain myself. I've always had plenty of friends, yet people are surprised by how much of a loner I can be" (Koontz, 1989, p. 39). Although this self-sufficiency can have its benefits, it can also mean that only children are inherently alone as their personalities develop.

Because only children must develop in social situations that may not be suited to their personalities, the concepts of introversion and extraversion must be re-evaluated in the consideration of only children. Ultimately, an only child's environment forces him or her to take on both characteristics of introversion and extraversion despite natural inclinations to be one or the other. A naturally introverted child must show extraverted qualities if he or she wishes to make friends; likewise, a naturally extraverted child must learn to show introverted qualities by being content to focus on his or her own thoughts when playmates are unavailable."

Brancusi's birthday

Brancusi, one of the first to appreciate primitive arts and minimalism. It's his birthday today. He was born in Romania. About 50 miles away from where I was born. :-)

Saturday, February 12, 2011

there are the words....

"There Are the Words..."

There are the words that couldn’t be twice said,
He, who said once, spent out all his senses.
Only two things have never their end –
The heavens’ blue and the Creator’s mercy.

Anna Akhmatova

Friday, February 11, 2011

the possibility of an island....

"(...) I would never forget her body, her skin, nor her face and I have never felt with such clarity that human relations are born, evolve and die in a totally deterministic manner, as inexorable as the movement of a planetary system, and that it is absurd and vain to hope, however slightly, that you can modify their course."

Michel Houellebecq - The Possibility of an Island

Alas, I find a meaning to this once again in my life.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

what a day

Meetings, meetings, meetings and more meetings. I did not even get to see the inside of my office.

People think I've had this most extraordinary life and I talked to some today who did not fall off their chairs when they heard (almost) the whole story. It made me wanted to sing:
"Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
Ni le bien qu'on m'a fait
Ni le mal; tout ça m'est bien égal !

if only. I was thinking more along the lines: Un sot trouve toujours un plus sot qui l'admire. So, please leave me alone. One person told me she went to Europe 3 times. Another worked in Africa as a midwife. I said that there is no point in traveling per se, unless you learn and incorporate that in who you become. Besides, doesn't traveling imply also "arriving back home and/or a destination"? Silence. Not the kind that precedes profound thoughts though. The laid-back guy sitting across me at the table was laughing inwardly, I could tell. I decided I like laid-back men.... :-D

Temps retrouvé.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Bohemian Rhapsody

...something to listen to before chaos begins.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Is that it?

Anybody who knows a recipe for stopping time, please hand it over to me. Not because this moment is perfect, it's just that every single coming second seems to bring something new and I've reached "new" saturation. And so for a short period of time, I will be taking life in very, very small steps. Learning to hold my balance again, walk again, smile again and rediscover this person lying dormant inside me, waiting patiently to live life again.

I've learned a lot of good things too. I've learned a lot about friendship and quite a bit about trust. I've learned that you can reach out to a person you've never met, seen or heard and establish a trusting relationship. I have a lot of you to thank, so thank you John, thank you Jonathan, Mary, Anthony, Marianne and all the people who reached out to me and offered unconditional support - no questions asked, no strings attached.

This seems to be stuck in my brain for the last few days: