Merry Christmas

“I think that corporations should be able to carry guns and get married.”

Stephen Colbert http://on.cc.com/ufuxuU

House on the rock

Visited House On The Rock for the second time since living in Wisconsin.  Only this time it was not a brief visit and I had a better chance to absorb the atmosphere.  Here is the long story short: there was a sacred stone for the Native Americans called "Deer Shelter Rock", so this white guy goes: "I know, I'll build a house up there to spite Frank Lloyd Wright!  The house reminded me somewhat of La Sagrada Familia, with elements that nightmares are made of.  Instead of screaming monsters, lots of mechanical dolls, music machines, color saturated interiors and simulacrum of the old world.  The author of this architectural cacophony, Alex Jordan, obviously believed in the power of money over talent.  After two hours of room after room after room of claustrophobic redundancy, the plainness of Dodgeville (yes, very dodgy Dodgville) was akin to clearing my palate after too heavy a meal.

~ ..... that's it for today..... ~

Image comes from here.

Phenomenal Woman......

My friend, Brendan, sent me this great version of Maya Angelou's poem: Ruthie Foster 
....saying it reminds him of me.....what can I say??!!  I'm totally flattered!!!

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile, 
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

This is an example of an artist of great talent and creative integrity:

.....and this is Maroon 5 in their first album:

..... and look how low they've sunk....god, did not even want to admit it was them at first!

Looks like this is the last day of summer.  This was my summer....

Music

...one of the most beautiful pieces of music I've listened to in a while: http://youtu.be/eXqPYte8tvc

I have no idea who this guy is, but the music is as beautiful and as complex as a wonderfully written novel.

Native American wisdom: "There is always a dream dreaming us."

"There has always been a dream.  Everything is still the dream.  All that we call creation and Creator is the dream.  The dream continues to dream us and to dream itself.  Before anyone or anything was, there was a dream, and this dream continued to dream itself until the chaos within the dream became aware of itself.  Once the awareness knew that it was, there was a perspective for other aspects of the dream to comprehend itself.  One of the emerging dream energies, or "complexes", that came from the chaos of the dream and still remains in the dream as a way for the dream to recognize itself, is called "human beings".  Human beings required a way to have perspective and reference, and because of this, another energy emerged from the dream, and this is known today as "time".  It is from the two energies of dream and time that the third was given birth to, and that third one is known as the "dream time".  Dream time is also known as "mind", which is by nature luminescent and pure.  And the dream time mind is reflected by the emptiness of awareness."

....which is the reason why Western psychological norms would never work for Native Americans.

with thanks to Eduardo Duran

mojito granita

yummy, yummy, yummy!

Here is the recipe.

I'm leaving Vancouver Island tomorrow

I promise to come back.  I promise not to stay away for too long this time.  I think I've learned my lesson.

6 hours later....

....I'm in Seattle.  How refreshing.  I feel in Canada already.  I'm going to walk to the waterfront and then have some Thai food.  How many times do I need to be reminded that I need to live by the ocean?????!!!! 

Talking to the Punjabi taxi driver, I found out he has relatives close (very close) to where I used to live in England.  All of a sudden I feel like the Midwest is some sort of untamed frontier, where civilization has not yet developed.  I'd say Pleistocene at most.  Populated by Neanderthals.  I have a nasty feeling I'm mixing epochs as if I'm preparing some wonderful "sex on the beach" cocktail, but I don't care. 

Oh, I did not even have to spell my name, these people apparently "get" it.  And nobody asked me about my accent either!  I don't stick out anymore!!!!  I DON'T WANNA GO BACK....  :-(

Parliamentary debates in full swing...

I'm watching on PBS the British Parliament debating on the News of the World phone hacking debacle.  It never used to impress me much.  Having lived in the US for the past three years, I'm glued to the TV and to the display of intelligence and speed of reaction.  By comparison, the US presidents' press conferences (and I'm not even thinking of Bush!!!) seem like self-righteous kindergarten games.  Not even Obama would survive half an hour in the House of Commons for Prime Minister's Questions.  He should be lucky if he escapes without a heart attack, since his very measuuuuuuuuuuuured and caaaaaaaaaaaadenced speech would allow the rest of the MPs to crack an average 3 jokes/second and drive the Speaker of the House insane!  Let's face it, John Bercow does not suffer fools gladly.  But I forget, this is the country of the simulacrum and intelligence is no different.

"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!"

~ Hunter Thompson ~

Here are some of the songs rambling in my head:

Bury Me With My Guns On  

This Is How Your Remind Me

Scream

Clubbed To Death

Linkin Park's cover of Adele's Rolling Into Deep

Novacane

RockStar 

I Will Not Bow 

Black Spider 

Hysteria

Butterfly

Sex Is Good 

.....yes, I'm keeping busy...

(I'm still amazed that some people read the crap I'm posting here.  I guess there is such a thing as "accidental clicking"... or else....whatEVAH...)

ok...umm...what else...here is the last thing I've read today:

"Overall, the close relationship between cognition and behavior (N. Ed: please note the American spelling) is coming into view as well as some of its neural underpinnings.  Top-down regulation by the prefrontal cortex and bottom-up modification of cognition via experience from environment are becoming increasingly understood."

Gee, thanks, girls (Fiske and Taylor), 'cause look at what Foucault wrote about 20 years earlier:

"From the point of view of evolution, illness has no other status than that of a general potentiality.  The causality that makes it necessary is not yet disengaged, no one than that which gives each clinical picture its particular coloring.  This necessity, with its individual forms, is to be found not in an always specific development, but in the patient's personal history."

...oh, wait, we don't take Foucault into account, because he did not write APA style...obviously!

I'm feeling like Alice...

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" was his response. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."


I detect a malfunction.

Roland Petit

"French choreographer and dancer Roland Petit has died in Geneva at the age of 87, the Paris Opera Ballet has said.

Petit helped set up dance company Les Ballets des Champs-Elysees in 1945 and is credited with revolutionising ballet for his theatrical choreography."

Pas de Deux

sunset over the Mississippi

songs rattling in my head....

ok, Avenged Sevenfold sound so much like "white boys' rock" and Metallica, but maybe I'm just in the mood for it.  Memories from the past and memories from the future.

joined Google+

(thanks, Ricky!)...it's time to have fun learning something new.  I would have been the perfect Collie dog.

So I've joined Google+
I will keep you posted but at the moment I'm trying to figure it out, and it's not that straight-forward, which might explain why they still are in their "testing" phase.

Campaigner Charlie Dewar said: 'U2's multi million-euro tax dodge is depriving the Irish people at a time when they desperately need income to offset the Irish government's savage austerity programme.
'Tax nestling in the band's bank account should be helping to keep open the hospitals, schools and libraries that are closing all over Ireland.
'Bono is well-known for his anti-poverty campaigning but Art Uncut is accusing him of hypocrisy.'

I've always loved the way Bono created this halo around him, preaching us about what we need to do, but....wait!  he's not paying his taxes!  I am so fed up with rock stars with the God complex, I'd count Bob Geldof among them.  And so fed up with people who appropriate others' half-chewed ideas, and tell you that you should not be shopping in Walmart, while wearing a Ralph Lauren Polo shirt made by a 5 year old Cambodian girl who works 12 hours a day.  The worrying part is that they lack that side of brain that perceives the essence of contradiction and dissonance, so they go through life feeling rather good about themselves and preaching to the rest of us. 

Reading with a pencil in hand

"There are two kinds of reader: those who read with a pencil in their hand, and those who don't. (For "pencil", you may read, if you like, "pencil or pen", though inking marginalia strikes me as decadent and hubristic.) For me, a pencil is a reading tool, and since bookish types are no less prone than anyone else to commodity fetishism, I have developed a profound interest in my favoured kind of implement, surely among the greatest inventions of mankind: the mechanical pencil."

I am one of those people.  Except that my writing tool requirements are incredibly complex, depending on the topic, the type of paper, the amount of comments I am likely to make, whether it's sunny today, whether I am reading fiction or non-fiction.  This choice of writing tool has the same importance to me as deciding what to wear in the morning, what to eat for dinner or where to go on holiday.  This is big stuff.  I write on my hands, on additional pieces of paper, on kitchen towels, calendars, diaries, and...uhm...sometimes on my own body too.  There is always something that needs to be written down, like a word I hear, the lines of a song I'm listening to, fragments of phone conversations with significant others.  Sometimes drawing my thoughts feels good.  This usually translates into drawings of complex-patterned mazes to which only I have the key.  I could never understand people that read without taking notes.  In a way I'm jealous.  I need the writing to feel the connection to both the text and the context.

Aung San Suu Kyi tells of Burma's struggle for freedom and its cost

"What is this passion? What is the cause to which we are so passionately dedicated as to forgo the comforts of a conventional existence?" she asks. "Going back to [former Czech dissident leader] Václav Havel's definition of the basic job of dissidents, we are dedicated to the defence of the right of individuals to free and truthful life. In other words, our passion is liberty."

From The Guardian

Saudade

One of the most beautiful of all words, translatable or not, this word “refers to the feeling of longing for something or someone that you love, and which is lost.” Fado music, a type of mournful singing, relates to saudade.

Goodbye, Yvonne.

wish you were here....

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

I'm an introvert, please have mercy....

TOP TEN MYTHS ABOUT INTROVERTS

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

(yeah, sometimes I don't like to talk.  Mainly because I have nothing consequential to say, or I may be thinking.  Yes, sometimes I do that.  And I can't do that while talking.  Extraverts, you should try that too sometime!)

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

(believe me, this is nothing to do with being shy.)

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

(oh, that I can be.  Just try to engage me in small talk or, worse still, be really, really, really nicey nice to me.)

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

(I love you all!  I just need a break....please, I'm begging you...please....no more invitations, social events, chats, drinks, gatherings, picnics, concerts in the park....please....have mercy!)

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

(this is totally mean!  But I also can't understand why I need spend hours in a particular place of no interest to me.  That's when I end up drinking more than my usual 2 glasses of wine.  Out of sheer boredom and impatience.)

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

(c'mon, you don't really think that, do you???!!! )

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

(whatEVAH!)

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

(nerds are sexy :-P )

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

(uh huh...watch me let my hair down....)

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.

Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

(sure, in the same way you "cure" gay people to become straight.  Why don't you send us all to an Extravert Camp and brainwash us with your useless drivel.)

House

I love the way they managed to keep the dry British humour in an American context, and I'm still amazed by the popularity of this series on American TV.  The Brits so obviously hate Hugh Laurie for "selling out" to the Yanks/Sherman Tanks.  But he is great (of course!) and Massive Attack sound track is awesome too!

....got accepted to grad school....

:-D
Can I get on with my research project now?!

Some people read my blog.....

ummmk.... follow me! :-)

I'm in Madison to serve on the Governor's Council on Domestic Abuse, specifically on "Anti-Oppression Committee", and "Violence Prevention Committee".  And before you ask: no, I don't get to see him, his staff or the Capitol for that matter.  

The Anti-Oppression Committee is working on writing a manual that is going to be distributed to all domestic abuse and sexual violence programs in the state.  I hope we get to talk about two things that concern me at the moment: one is help abused women receive (gender-specificity used here due to statistical relevance) when they don't embody the typical "battered woman" characteristics as described by Leonore Walker and instead fight back.  The second is talking about my research proposal on subtle biases in the case of shelter workers, rather than looking at the service recipients.

The "Violence Prevention Committee" looks at primary prevention of domestic violence and tools, initiatives we might use within the state, what results we expect from these and how we're going to measure them.  Of course...the crux of the matter is measuring!  Almost forgot about the measuring part....NOT!  :-)


*So, this is a test post to see how audiences react to something that is not tagged "britney spears", "music", "blah blahs of the heart", "misconceived misappropriation of topics" etc.

Josephine Hart

died in London yesterday.

I remember reading "Damage" quite some years ago: "Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive."  I loved her concise and precise and dramaturgical prose with an impeccable sense of timing that you only associate with great comedy or great tragedy.  My favourite is still "Sin".

some days...

...just feel good. This is one of them. :-)

wow, somebody is still making some sort of music out there...

...well, good to know Kaiser Chiefs are back!  I had honestly lost all hope.  Coincidentally, in the today's Guardian Moby calls recent music by the likes of Britney Spears: "hyper-produced corporate product" and, the old classic, "advertising for ringtones".  :-)

Oh, the weather....:-(

Il pleure dans mon coeur

Il pleure dans mon coeur
Comme il pleut sur la ville ;
Quelle est cette langueur
Qui pénètre mon coeur ?

Ô bruit doux de la pluie
Par terre et sur les toits !
Pour un coeur qui s'ennuie,
Ô le chant de la pluie !

Il pleure sans raison
Dans ce coeur qui s'écoeure.
Quoi ! nulle trahison ?...
Ce deuil est sans raison.

C'est bien la pire peine
De ne savoir pourquoi
Sans amour et sans haine
Mon coeur a tant de peine !

oh, yeah, babe....

....sometimes I rock!  :-)

Lily...

...looking at me while I was telling her she is the most beautiful girl in the world!  :-)

Lily sleeping in my arms...sweet! :-)

there's a darkness upon me that is flooded in light...

...and I'm frightened by those who don't see it....

There's a darkness upon me that's flooded in light
In the fine print they tell me what's wrong and what's right
And it comes in black and it comes in white
And I'm frightened by those that don't see it

When nothing is owed or deserved or expected
And your life doesn't change by the man that's elected
If you're loved by someone, you're never rejected
Decide what to be and go be it

There was a dream and one day I could see it
Like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it
And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I'll scream til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out

today tasted like this....

may my heart always be open to little
birds who are the secrets of living
whatever they sing is better than to know
and if men should not hear them men are old
  
may my mind stroll about hungry
and fearless and thirsty and supple
and even if it's sunday may i be wrong
for whenever men are right they are not young
  
and may myself do nothing usefully
and love yourself so more than truly
there's never been quite such a fool who could fail
pulling all the sky over him with one smile

~ e.e. cummings ~

I am tired of being carded!

I find it ridiculous!  Just because I do not look according to expectations, does it mean that I am under 21?!  I was just told by the cashier: "you should take that as a compliment...."  Really???  I take it as a nuisance, as a waste of my time, as your ability to exercize control over me, and as a direct reflection of stupid laws that are a breeding ground for cognitive misers.  That's my take on it.

Yooooouuuuuu.....

....your sex is on fire!!!

...and here is a nice youtube to mp3 coverter, which is perfectly legal from what I know. :-)

feminism and the masculinization of femininity

The Guardian has an interesting article today about the portrayal of "empowered" women in the media.  It is the image of women behaving badly.  Behaving in a masculine way.  And yes, I can do it like a brother, do it like a dude...., but this is totally missing the point!  Unfortunately, (and dangerously so) this complete misunderstading of feminist theory is extremely prevalent among women, even the more educated.

C'mon, being like a dude is soooo NOT the point!

Things I like...

I like the ritual of morning coffee, dirt roads in Africa, long distance phone calls, shiny things, cooking real food, picking up the post, dancing, sleeping naked, diners, sunlight on skin underwater, making out, Arizona turquoise, coast line blue, the sound of rain on rooftops, Italy, cooking for friends, the sea at sunset, music, family dinners, owls in trees, frost lined leaves, telling stories, Greece, balconies, bookstores, spremuta d’arancia, cut lemons, Capri, rivers, red rocks, fireflies, twilight, transatlantic/long flights, sunday mornings, first kisses, blue light of winter, curved lines, smooth pens, wine, henna tattoos, people who smile with their eyes, sashimi, wearing hoodies, airports, avocados, driving barefoot, espresso macchiato alla schiuma di latte, cherry blossoms, the way you feel the first few hours after an international flight, strong handshakes, people who look you in the eye, homemade things, Van Gogh, dresses and Doc Martens boots, hiking, handwritten letters, black and white photographs, Amsterdam, open spaces, using vocabulary to achieve full potential, secrets, road trips, flexibility of body and mind, badminton, telling the truth, dogs, hardwood floors, creativity, geraniums, full moons, winter with a wood stove burning, summer solstices, following inspired thought, smell libraries, being a woman, the aurora borealis, spontaneous travel, intuition, people watching from street cafes, re-use it re-cycle platforms, campfire conversation, not wearing a watch, being quiet in the morning, winks and strangers who smile at you, the library, real butter and 360 panoramic mountain views. *

Lily watching me cook

free falling....

....feels so good!  like floating...which I did today for a long, long time, stopping my heart and my thoughts from racing.  Sensory deprivation is hugely underestimated.

feeding Lily

Feeding a baby is serious serious business!  Who would have thought?!

Sparkle Me

...your eyes have always sparkled me with love...

I'm angry about work stuff...

on behalf of a good friend of mine who has been a tremendous inspiration to me. 

Madison again....

....and it's a long drive.  and I don't like driving on my own.  so...I guess...I'll be talking to angels....:-)

me and Lily

This is my wishlist for today....Haven't heard this in about a million years, but woke up with it in my head.

Yes, I am a long way from home....

I am busy digesting some leftover thoughts that won't go away.  At least the music is good.

Anchoring

To get my day on to a good start, I first need to anchor it in a good song, the leit motif for the day.

This is today...."wait!  they don't love you like I love you...."

I have nothing to say.

. to anyone.  No apologies to make.  And no people to take with me on my journey, whatever will come of it.  It is as simple as that in fact.  My "roots" will most likely always be in a perpetual state of flux, just like the roots of the watercress.

Go on save yourself....and take it all out on me....   

Well I been watchin'
while you been coughin
I've been drinking life
while you've been nauseous
and so I drink to health
while you kill yourself
and I got just one thing
that I can offer

Go on and save yourself
and take it out on me
Go on and save yourself
and take it out on me yeaaaah!

well I'm not a martyr
I'm not a prophet
and I won't preach to you
but here's a caution
you better understand
that I won't hold your hand
but if it helps you mend
then I won't stop it

Go on and save yourself
and take it out on me
Go on and save yourself
and take it out on me
Go on and save yourself
and take it out on me
Go on and save yourself
and take it out on me yeaaaaah!

drown if you want
and I'll see you in the bottom
where you crawl
on my skin
and put the blame on me
so you don't feel a thing

Go on and save yourself
and take it out on me
Go on and save yourself
and take it out on me
Go on and save yourself
and take it out on me
Go on and save yourself
and take it out on me yeaaaahh!!!!

Elizabeth Taylor died today.....

I will miss her

Cat On A Tin Roof or Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.  Anyone should watch these movies.

Whole Lotta Love....

...this song   has got to be about as old as I am.  It reminds me of Sundays with my father and music being played loudly throughout the house.  I remember thinking it was not a "softie" love song.  This is a love song with attitude and rawness to it.  Later on, I used this song to measure my daily 5k run.....later on to let go when I was angry.....it comes in handy now too...for totally different reasons:-)

Anger and Traffic Management Psychology Lab!

Ummm....I have an Italian driver's license....where does that leave me??? :-(

some great work is done in this lab!

"I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, that diminishes the fear."

Rosa Parks

Hallelujah

this song epitomises today...

Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

SnM

I'm so glad I can listen to music in the office...

I can dance on this forever.....  Oh, let's talk about transgression and taboo at the same time! :-)

Keep going Wisconsin!

Who would have thought..., but we turned this into history.  I'm so proud of all of you who took a part in these protests!  It's good to draw some attention every now and again...:-)

Fed up with Windows

 I've started using my PC again after taking a break and it has got about 2 million updates, upgrades, fixes etc, which left me paralyzed for about an hour this morning looking at the damn pop-ups....so...  Somebody.  I know.  Well enough.  To trust.....is recommending Ubuntu.  Ok.  I hope you are right.  For your own sake!  :-)

Disappointed as hell!

It sucks!

Living Las Vegas

I want to live Las Vegas, where reality does not need to be proven to anyone.  Where I can just live in my own head.  Where I can construct and re-construct myself with every dawn and every dusk.  Where the challenge is to live up to my own imagination.  I want to live the hyper-me, the simulacrum that is my own being, devoid the burden of an original.  Should be pretty easy, no?

Diversity Council presentation tomorrow...

...which means I'm going to have a very stressful day.  And the topic does not help either: Intercultural Conflict Resolution. 

What can I say?!  It's panic at the disco! ^-^

Never mind the presentation!  What am I going to wear????  Ahhhh..

I can relate to this....

Image comes from GraphicBuzz

....great way to start the week

dancing in the moonlight

and then we can move to this in quick succession...

I am uber-awesome! :-D

....finished the best part of my Intercultural Conflict Resolution presentation for Wednesday....  Still needs polishing, but it's pretty much there!
Now I need a snooze.  Please do not wake me up, I've earned this!  :-D

this is what gave me nightmares last night.....

....  this song did the rounds in my head for the best part of the night!  Don't you just hate when this happens?!

....and the story goes....

....that when a guy wanted to dance with me the other night in Madison, I told him to come back when he starts producing enough estrogen.  Things I come up with sometimes.  I have no idea who the poor thing was otherwise I would apologize.  Luckily I was with friends in a civilized city.

Ooops....:-)

I hate driving on my own....

...and I have to go to Milwaukee tomorrow.  I just want to curl up in bed with a good book...and spend the whole day on Skype....:-D

If I go crazy will you still call me Superman; if I'm alive and well will you be there holding my hand; I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman might...kryptonite...

Reading..Jonathan Franzen "Freedom"

Gulped down "Corrections" which I left back in England unfortunately.  Then quickly "How To Be Alone" essay collection and now on to this one which fails to impress me so far.  I am taking it personally!  Jonathan, darling, please keep up with your own reputation.  Or maybe I should not have expected it would blow me away again.

For the first time in my life I failed to read Philip Roth's latest two novels.  Yessss!!!  I can do it!  He's become so redundant in topic and in approach!  I remember the pleasure with which I read "The Dying Animal" quite a few years ago.  I remember Harold Pinter in one of his last interviews.  When asked why he had not published anything lately, he replied that he has no intention of repeating himself.  Maybe I should send a link of that interview to Philip Roth although I doubt he will get the hint.  Sooooooo concerned with his dying sexuality, as only a man can be.

Anyhow, back to Jonathan Frannzen.  See if he manages to clinch the deal with "Freedom".  Judging by the first 50 pages, it should have been called "Coercion" (which would have matched "Corrections" much closer.

Everlong...ummm...obsession!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjyP-hGVBXo&feature=fvwrel

and I wonder
when I sing along with you
if everything could ever feel this real forever
if anything could ever be this good again
the only thing I'll ever ask of you
...you've got to promise not to stop when I say when
she sang

and I wonder
when I sing along with you
if everything could ever feel this real forever
if anything could ever be this good again
the only thing I'll ever ask of you
you've got to promise not to stop when I say when

we hear you, Wisconsin!

http://front.moveon.org/50-photos-from-the-50-state-rallies-to-save-the-american-dream/?rc=tw

Garage Sale Happening Now!  On Sale: Scott Walker!  50% Off!  Hurry While Offers Last!

music that sticks with you whether you want it or not....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVRmc-zSrf0&feature=fvwrel

can you see my pic?

Can you see my hand over there? Do you know what it means? Do you know why I thought it was important to have it there? Do you know what ink stains mean to me? No? Surprise, surprise. I have no time for people who second-guess me (just like they have no time for me).

going clubbing...

So I'm going clubbing in Madison with people I don't really know. Well, maybe I know some....and think I know others....I am so angry. So enraged and so disappointed that I need to cheer myself up somehow tonight.

I am an only child

"Because only children do not have siblings with whom to interact, they learn to be children on their own. Parents and play groups can help, but ultimately children become conditioned to depend on themselves. Says one adult only child, "Possibly the best part was developing the ability to enjoy being alone and to entertain myself. I've always had plenty of friends, yet people are surprised by how much of a loner I can be" (Koontz, 1989, p. 39). Although this self-sufficiency can have its benefits, it can also mean that only children are inherently alone as their personalities develop.

Because only children must develop in social situations that may not be suited to their personalities, the concepts of introversion and extraversion must be re-evaluated in the consideration of only children. Ultimately, an only child's environment forces him or her to take on both characteristics of introversion and extraversion despite natural inclinations to be one or the other. A naturally introverted child must show extraverted qualities if he or she wishes to make friends; likewise, a naturally extraverted child must learn to show introverted qualities by being content to focus on his or her own thoughts when playmates are unavailable."

Brancusi's birthday

Brancusi, one of the first to appreciate primitive arts and minimalism. It's his birthday today. He was born in Romania. About 50 miles away from where I was born. :-)

there are the words....

"There Are the Words..."

There are the words that couldn’t be twice said,
He, who said once, spent out all his senses.
Only two things have never their end –
The heavens’ blue and the Creator’s mercy.

Anna Akhmatova

the possibility of an island....

"(...) I would never forget her body, her skin, nor her face and I have never felt with such clarity that human relations are born, evolve and die in a totally deterministic manner, as inexorable as the movement of a planetary system, and that it is absurd and vain to hope, however slightly, that you can modify their course."

Michel Houellebecq - The Possibility of an Island

Alas, I find a meaning to this once again in my life.

what a day

Meetings, meetings, meetings and more meetings. I did not even get to see the inside of my office.

People think I've had this most extraordinary life and I talked to some today who did not fall off their chairs when they heard (almost) the whole story. It made me wanted to sing:
"Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
Ni le bien qu'on m'a fait
Ni le mal; tout ça m'est bien égal !
...

if only. I was thinking more along the lines: Un sot trouve toujours un plus sot qui l'admire. So, please leave me alone. One person told me she went to Europe 3 times. Another worked in Africa as a midwife. I said that there is no point in traveling per se, unless you learn and incorporate that in who you become. Besides, doesn't traveling imply also "arriving back home and/or a destination"? Silence. Not the kind that precedes profound thoughts though. The laid-back guy sitting across me at the table was laughing inwardly, I could tell. I decided I like laid-back men.... :-D

Temps retrouvé.

Bohemian Rhapsody

...something to listen to before chaos begins.

http://www.ted.com/talks/jake_shimabukuro_plays_bohemian_rhapsody.html

Is that it?

Anybody who knows a recipe for stopping time, please hand it over to me. Not because this moment is perfect, it's just that every single coming second seems to bring something new and I've reached "new" saturation. And so for a short period of time, I will be taking life in very, very small steps. Learning to hold my balance again, walk again, smile again and rediscover this person lying dormant inside me, waiting patiently to live life again.

I've learned a lot of good things too. I've learned a lot about friendship and quite a bit about trust. I've learned that you can reach out to a person you've never met, seen or heard and establish a trusting relationship. I have a lot of you to thank, so thank you John, thank you Jonathan, Mary, Anthony, Marianne and all the people who reached out to me and offered unconditional support - no questions asked, no strings attached.

This seems to be stuck in my brain for the last few days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ezSGqbuo0g